By: Ashley Wray Owens, Family Law Attorney and Father’s Rights Advocate
As a dedicated advocate for fathers’ rights, I know how challenging it can be for dads to navigate the family court system. It was less than 50 years ago (in 1977) when the “tender years presumption” was abolished, and just like civil rights fathers are still fighting to be recognized as significant parts of their children’s lives. Recent cases, like Fairley v. Matelski issued in July 2024, unpublished, in North Carolina, remind us that fathers are fully capable of being primary caregivers and making decisions in the best interests of their children. In this case the father was clearly a better parent than the mother.
The facts in this case are specific to the parties and their minor child Rudy, who was diagnosed with special needs and given an IEP while in the mother’s care and custody. While under the Father’s care and custody, Rudy had progressed from special needs classes to regular classes and was designated as excelling academically. Rudy was even taking advanced placement (AP) classes there in Nash County. Another indicator that he was thriving under his father’s care were his straight A’s on his report card for the 9th grade.
The minor child’s therapist testified in court on behalf of the child noting that much of the child’s grown was due to his own determination and strong family support from his dad. Where do you think the son was learning this “strong determination” and good study habits from, hmmm? You may be wondering, with the child doing so well, why was there a custody battle at all?
Rudy expressed his desire to attend an Early College program, but his mother did not want him to attend this. Rudy’s mother actually blocked Rudy’s admittance and attendance at the Early College program, despite Rudy’s desire to go and his IEP team’s support and enthusiasm for the plan. Not surprisingly, the mother also frequently violated the court-ordered phone call schedule by calling the child at times outside of the designated 7:30 p.m. slot, which showed a lack of respect for the court order and the court’s authority.
In this case, the North Carolina Court of Appeals affirmed a lower court’s decision to grant a father sole legal and physical custody of the parties’ son, Rudy, who has special needs. Despite the common assumption that mothers are often more favored in custody disputes, this ruling highlights the critical importance of focusing on the child’s welfare, not gender biases, and that North Carolina is finally seeing the light on a dad’s role.
Key Takeaways for Fathers – How Can a Dad Win Custody?
- Preparation and Stability Matter
In this case, the father demonstrated stability and commitment to parent Rudy, even in the face of criticism and rejection by the mother of his role. His consistent care and involvement in Rudy’s education and medical treatment, including therapy appointments, played a significant role in the court’s decision. He also shared that information freely with Rudy’s mom, even if she was behaving negatively.
Fathers who show they can, and actually do provide a stable and supportive home environment increase their chances of being granted primary custody. Staying involved in the minor child’s schooling and medical care were keys to the father being able to show his stability and role in the child’s life. - Child’s Best Interests Come First
North Carolina courts, like most, focus on the polar star in a custody case of what’s in the “best interests” of the child. Here, the court found that the father’s home was conducive to Rudy’s growth. Rudy was excelling in school, got along with his other family members in his father’s home, and received strong family support. This is a reminder that fathers, like mothers, can provide an environment that fosters a child’s well-being, and it’s essential to present this in court. - Equal Parenting is Vital
The court noted that the mother had not attended many of Rudy’s therapy appointments, while the father never missed one. This level of involvement is crucial. Fathers who stay engaged in their children’s education, medical care, and daily lives will be better positioned to advocate for primary custody. As I noted above, Rudy’s dad also shared the medical information and appointment times with the mother and never barred her from attending appointments. - Communication and Co-Parenting
The court also observed that the parents were unable to effectively co-parent. It was clear to this writer that the mother was the sole cause of poor communication here, especially when she did not get her own way and have control over the child or her ex, the child’s father. In such cases, the court often finds that sole custody is necessary. When communication breaks down, especially over key decisions regarding a child’s health or education, the courts truly need to choose the parent who can make decisions in the child’s best interests without or in spite of the ongoing, never-ending conflict.
Controlling Outcomes as a Father
If you’re a father facing a custody dispute, take heart in knowing that your rights as a parent are equal to those of the mother. Cases like Fairley v. Matelski show that the courts will look at your actions, involvement, and the child’s well-being—not just assumptions about who is the “better” parent based on gender, special needs, nor the child’s young age.
You can take control of your case by staying actively involved in your child’s life, demonstrating your ability to provide stability, and working closely with your attorney to prepare a solid case. The goal is to show that your child’s best interests are met by having you as their primary caregiver. Remember to stay positive and turn the other cheek in conflict while going to the court for help.
