I know that about 1/4 of my clients or their spouses are addicted at any point in time. What is so bad about an addict’s life? Why do they turn to drugs or porn? They own houses, cars, kids, pets, savings, vacations, and tons of stuff. Many of my clients, and maybe even my staff or I, are addicted to their mobile phones even. Porn addiction is a rampant reason for divorce. Porn addiction is likely the first step before a spouse cheats. Addiction is everywhere.

New research out of Portugal is teaching us that the American ideas on addiction are creating more problems. Portugal is the only nation that has decriminalized all drugs. Basically, it is not against the law to take any drug in Portugal.  The ideas about nudity and porn are also different in Europe also.

I just returned from my trip to Germany.  While there I spent hours riding on the trains and had plenty of time to think.  I thought about the clients who are porn addicts and how watching a stranger having sex on a computer screen is causing them to lose the actual person they are married to.  We can blame the spouse for not engaging in sex with their husband or wife under the belief that if only there was enough sex there is no need for porn.  But porn is used in place of human connection just like all addictive substances.

So when I see a case that involves a spouse’s use of porn, I now need to think about what type of human connections they have available to them.  Can this porn addiction stop?  Will the porn watching happen in the presence of the minor children or be on a computer they use?

The issue is pervasive in the United States and marriages are suffering because of porn. Porn is not the only addictive substance which our society is abusing, but it is one of the most hurtful to the other spouse.  A spouse that is being abandoned for porn blames themselves and finds fault within, thus suffering an identity crisis or at least a drop in self-esteem.

If you love someone with an addiction – click the link and watch the Ted Talk that pops up. Tell me what you think….are we on the right road with tough love or do we simply need more honest, authentic, and sympathetic love?