I recently read A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman, which I highly recommend especially during the time of a divorce. One quote hit me like a ton of bricks: “Sorrow is unreliable in that way. When people don’t share it there is a good chance that it will drive them apart instead.

At the time of the vows you remember the hope, the joy, and sometimes the fear?  And now here you are – at the death of the dream. Divorce happens. It starts with the unfixable emotional hurts and culminates in separation.

That’s where I come in as an attorney. My clients have to share their sorrow and loss with me. I don’t take it upon myself, because sorrow is so very personal, but when shared it is lessened. When the pain of separation and divorce is understood and when the intricacies of the financial and legal issues are managed, then the emotional pain can be felt and moved through. It doesn’t disappear, but like all emotional pain, it can dull with time and new joys can fill the void.

Just yesterday I received an angry email from a client and I was confused. Prior to the email I had not heard any concerns, any hurt, any frustration. I had thought the case was moving in the right direction and the client was happy with both the representation and the future. How wrong. Yet, how could I have known?

Healing the Sorrow of Divorce

The worse thing for a divorce attorney is when the client suffers in silence. When my clients keeps their pain locked inside and won’t share it, I am lost in the quagmire of trying to help with no clear direction. That has the tendency to cause poor outcomes, a lack of understanding, and a loss of rights. So do the best a client can do is to be honest with me as their attorney.  Tell me of the loss you suffer through daily or when the pain is so much that the process becomes muddy and confusing or unbearable for that day. I care and I never want you to suffer in silence.

Here is a link to the book I mentioned:

Janet L. Gemmell